Science of Mind – Lesson 3: The Focus of Attention (or maybe not)

Mental Attitudes…begins with the reiteration of ‘Never say a thing about yourself that you do not want to see realized in your life’…which means, no belittling yourself – it makes small of strengths and balloons weaknesses. Some small part could be do to modesty, but more likely because of insecurities. We look to others for reassurance to boost our morale.

Act out the part of the person you want to be – not to impress others – to instill confidence in self. What others think of us is not our business, but how we think of ourselves creates our future.  ‘Today is the finished product of yesterdays or last years thought’.

I remember when I was in my early 20’s…wow, over half a lifetime ago! I was in the habit of talking shit* to myself, I was reading self-help books ad nauseam because I felt like crap*. I got to the point where my self talk was driving me crazy…I was constantly telling myself I could do no right…finally I realized I wasn’t as bad as I was telling myself…I decided when I noticed I was dumping* on myself, I would firmly think STOP! Then decide whether what I was telling myself had any merit, or if I was just dramatizing…Why do we feel we have to make everything dramatic? I’m no where near as bad as I was…but in the past I’ve been a real Drama Queen…and to be honest, have been known to revert into old habits…but they tend not to last as long…I

Does this come from society? The expectation that we have to be all dramatic when life isn’t going the way we feel it should…or when you get slammed with loss…loss of people…loss of possessions…that feels more like failure to me…when really we should be grateful to still have the people even though we’ve lost the stuff…sometimes you lose both, and that’s just shitty all over! But how bad does it have to be, and for how long? For me it comes in waves.  I can be going along, all tickety boo, when all of a sudden there is a trigger… lately for me it’s about my dad, because he died in early June…I’ll be in the middle of something, and I’ll think, “Oh, I should tell dad about this”, or I’ll see something I think he’ll like and want to get it for him, but then realize I can’t give it to him. It sucks…a lot…and it makes me really sad…and I sit with the sadness, and I cry…and then I want to stop the crying and feeling sad…but it doesn’t happen in an instant, but it happens…and I let myself be ok, and even happy about other things that are going good in my life.  In the past I’ve processed grief in a different way…two other ways actually…denial…I’m ok, everything’s fine…or I’m devastated! Nothing’s fine, everything sucks…how can anything be good, every again! I could get myself that way even if it wasn’t me experiencing the loss…feel sorry for me because my friend just had a huge loss!! Is that weird? Does anyone else do this feel sorry game?

I just reread the first line of the last paragraph and had an answer for myself…yes, it has a lot to do with society…otherwise there would be no reality shows! They take something small and make it huge…that’s what makes it ‘watchable’. And this is our role model! What if our role models were people were empathetic to others, allowed them to make mistakes…forgave them for it! Wow, I bet it would be a different world!

Hmmmm, kind of got off topic a little…well, it was still about mental attitudes, just not really about the lesson…and I’m going to allow the focus of attention to veer off course…briefly…and start working on Lesson 3 again tomorrow…I’m working on acceptance…letting the wave wash over me, then letting it go…

* Shit, crap, dumping…hmmm, no wonder life didn’t feel so good!

I'm biting my tongue, Dad thinks I'm a smart ass...

I’m biting my tongue, Dad thinks I’m a smart ass…

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